Tuesday, September 27, 2011

My Most Embarrassing Moments

While reading a fellow bloggers blog - Susan who's blog is We Share With You - I discovered she wrote a post about her most embarrassing moment. So I had to chuckle and say to myself... "oh man if I did this they'd all be rolling laughing for days" . Well guess what.. I guess you could say my Friday Funny is coming to you on Tuesday because here are my most embarrassing moments ever, that literally have me sitting here laughing so hard to myself going "oh boy am I really going to post these". Those top 3 moments that made me want to crawl under a rock, go hide in a closet, and not walk away but run as fast as I could!

#3 - Penis Pump Chris
I had taken a job working in the Marketing Dept of the local Blue Cross Blue Shield HMO. As soon as I was assigned my cubicle I called my Mom and my Boyfriend at the time, Chris, to let them know my phone number and extension. Our job in that part of the Marketing Dept was to take calls from both BCBS members and group admins regarding coverage on policies. About three quarters of the way through my first day my line rings, YAY  a call to take on my first day. As soon as I say "BCBS Kathy speaking how can I help you?" - I hear in a foreign almost hard to understand accent "Yes Hello I have questions about policy does it cover a penis pump can you help me with my penis pump" I was like "Sir I ahhh hmmm can I get your Policy ID?".. just to hear "No Policy ID can you help my penis pump?" I said "Sir can you hold please" and threw this guy on hold, proceeded to run down the isle, and get my trainer to tell her I need some help this guy is on the phone asking about a penis pump!!

Now my trainer was very cool, very much into laughing at jokes, and she also had me transfer the call to her. WHEW I dodged a very uncomfortable bullet there, or so I thought. I had no idea how to handle that type of call. Two minutes later she comes walking back down the isle and says "I am transferring this guy back to you, this call is really for you." I panicked.. NOOOOOO I am not talking about a penis pump, she insisted I take the call. So I did.. as soon as I say "Hello Kathy Speaking" I hear a bunch of guys in the background laughing their asses off... it was my boyfriend at the time Chris the whole time and now everyone he worked with was in on the joke/call and they were all now rolling around on the floor having a nice laugh at my expense of not being able to tell his voice disguised!

#2 - My Friend Mike 
Now onto my friend Mike. He has been a friend of mine for years and years and well Mike doesn't care what comes flying out of his mouth and well I don't care what I do around him. So it's a friendship full of a lot of laughs. Belly aching laughs to be exact. Mike has thing about farting, he has to "out due" everyone else's loud noises. It seems to be a goal for him. Hell whatever makes you laugh, right?

So I decided to join in on Mike's little fart game one day just to prove him I can run with the best of them(what was I thinking??)... and of course prove YES women do fart... errrr pass gas. So I did my best one day, lifted up that one leg, and let Mike that musically butt tune. I don't know if he was more in shock that I did or more proud that I did. So from that point on I never gave it a second thought to "cut the cheese" around Mike. There was my big mistake because every time we would be out around people and he would let one of his famous wind cutters loose he would then proceed to turn around and say "Wait until  Kathy gets going she farts like a 300lb Italian Guy". Oh Man there it was that **shutter** embarrassing moment. I think I turned every shade of red and about cried. It wasn't enough that he would say this in front of people we were around, but he had said it around guys I was seeing.... yep there was that awkward are you going to fart in front of me moment that came way too early in a relationship! Thanks Mike for the gassy of gassy belly laughs that allow me to sit and yet again laugh at!

#1 - The Bar Incident
Moving on to the best of the best moment on my list of the most embarrassing moments. I had dated a pretty well known bartender for years. Sunday nights would be the "girls night out" to hang at the bar he worked at. It was always a busy place, especially during football season because the Bills players would come in there after a home game. It was a dim lit bar, had a small dance floor, some dance floor lights, and of course a DJ. There was also always a line through the bar hallway for the Ladies room. I however, was lucky enough to know the DJ and would just use the "secret potty" in the DJ booth. This was normally reserved for the DJ, bartenders, and security so they wouldn't be delayed when the bar was busy if they "had to go".

On a very busy Sunday night that was packed with people who were there gawking over the Bills, trying to get autographs, and also celebrating a Bills home game win I had to go. I was not about to wait in the very long line to the Ladies room so I sneaked into the DJ booth and used that "secret potty". Mind you, I had on black jeans and black shirt that night (gosh how I remember clear as day what I had on that night). Went to the bathroom, primped myself, and walked back out to the bar. I walked around talking to people for a good half an hour. Then when my drink was empty it was time to go back to the bar, where my boyfriend at the time was bar-tending. He gets me a drink and then proceeds to say "You saving that for later or just in case your Italian fart bomb isn't really a fart". The Look on my face had to be priceless, because I know exactly what he meant. I am sure you can guess what it was.. a three foot tail of white toilet paper hanging off my black pants.

Oh wait, it gets so much better...Of course Mike had previously informed this boyfriend about the fart joke in the previous embarrassing moment, so that night I got a double whammy whacking me right in the holy embarrassed face. Not only did he see it, but the football players at the bar all turned around and saw it too! So the joke became - if the potty is out of toilet paper just ask Kathy she normally has some hanging from her pants! I learned from that point on to always check the waist of my pants for any signs of a toilet paper tail from hell!

So there I did it... I just laid myself out there for my most embarrassing moments! As you can see I never would have been able to choose just one.

Now for the fun part, what is your most embarrassing moment? You know that one that made you want to go hide in a closet and never come out? Maybe bury your head under a rock? Let's hear those moments and we can all share some laughs!

1 comment:

  1. Those ARE HILARIOUS! Thank you so much for sharing! I would have wanted to KILL my boyfriend for the penis pump call!

    I can just imagine the horrifying feeling you felt when you saw the tail of toilet paper. And all the Bills players saw it.

    Aren't you glad that everyone else in the world has done embarrassing things! Hopefully a lot of people will share, these are great for laughs.


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